WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
