He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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