I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
