I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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