I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
