its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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