I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
