I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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