yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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