Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
