Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
