Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found puke in my bra..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
