I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
