so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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