if you like me you must not know who I am
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
