I accidentally burped into my bong.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
