I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
