True but thats because hes a fetus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
