Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
