mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
