At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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