so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
