Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
