OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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