Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
