I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
