She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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