I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
