I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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