Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
