we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
