I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
