god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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