Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
