He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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