I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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