she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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