I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
