These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
