My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
