My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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