There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
