We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
