sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do vagina's smell?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
