i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please, let me fuck your mom
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
