i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
