is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
