He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
