Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
