I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
