tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
