why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
