I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
