No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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