Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
