it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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