That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize