You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
