that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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