just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
