I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
