I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
