You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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