Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
