I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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