don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
