I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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