You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
