I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
