The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize