In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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